Begin with a Smile

Last week I was driving along the zig-zag roads that climb and descend the Green Mountains to a Build Your Family workshop that I was giving to a bunch of parents. During the drive I replay my six hour workshop in my head, sometimes quizzing myself about the sections and going through the possible questions I would be asked. I do all this to squash the fear that someone may fall asleep as I explain the need to come to an understanding of your own fears, anxiety, and sometimes even depression before you can truly move forward to preparing your child for adulthood.

After each workshop I give, I call Peter to report how many sleepers I had. To my credit I have only had one attendee fall asleep and that was a medical student during a lecture about autism. At this workshop the conversation turned hot when discussing IEP meetings and the attendees scribed pages of notes. So, I thought this would be a great topic for a newsletter.

I been to many workshops about special education law and the IEP process which I think are all valuable resources and information every parent with a child with special needs must become educated in. However, what I teach during my Build Your Family workshop revolves around behavior— your behavior and the school’s behavior. As a parent you have to know the special education laws to advocate for your child, but how you advocate can change the outcome.

First thing, the only person you can change is YOURSELF. You are going to be in a losing battle if try to change other people. However, you can change how you react to people.

When talking to folks about setting-up an IEP or team meeting, people will tell me, “Well, I have my folder on special education law and I know my child’s needs.” And I will say, “Ok, so what is the first thing you do when you walk in the room?” I always get the look, like “this lady is crazy.” How you walk into the room sets the stage for the entire meeting.

So, next time you have an IEP or team meeting, try my beginning meeting strategies:

• Get there early or at least on time.
• Leave your emotions at the door. Try to separate the emotions from the tasks at hand (I will write more about this later).
• Walk in with a smile on your face and look everyone in the eye as you greet them.
• Sit at the head of the table (you are the meeting facilitator).
• Bring a recorder and place it on the table and turn it on; so you can listen and engage everyone and still have “notes” from the meeting.
• Bring an agenda of the topics to be discussed (email then to the team in advance to have everyone able to participate and bring copies for everyone).
• Begin the meeting by thanking everyone for coming and working with your family.
• Ask everyone to stick to the topics on the agenda so you can finish the meeting on-time.

After the meeting, process how the other team member reacted to you, were they more or less responsive through out the meeting? Did you work toward bettering your child’s educational experience? Was there less or more struggle? Did you feel accomplished and heard?

Next week I will discuss other ways that behavior can dictate your IEP or team meetings.

Cast Your Ballot for a Package

The day before the election and all my people (the folks that will admit that they are my friends, colleagues, and associates) are not breathing, they are panting with anxiety. Perhaps government officials will have to pump Prozac through the water system to just get people out of bed and to the polls and work.

Why are people in such a frenzy? Well, the economy crashed into a deep underwater recession which means job security is under siege and our retirements disappeared along with many people’s homes. Top this off with the balance statement of the war (both lives loss and the dollar amount) and our country finds it self in a downward spiral.

I have read and hear some say that they are going to vote for a candidate because they have talked more about autism and I say don’t vote for one issue, cast your ballot for a package that will in the long-run help your family and your community. As much as all of us in the autism community want more funding for research to find a cure for autism, let’s be realistic whomever gets the Oval Office will not be spending much time or resources on autism until workers are back on the job and home foreclosures reduce (some are families affected by ASD).

The United States needs a leader that will act quickly to restore and strengthen our economy, but also one that will build-up the people including people diagnosed with autism. Talking about funding more autism research is just one piece, what about upholding the federal government agreement to help fund special education or increasing the budget for Head Start programs?

If the federal government coughed-up the money they agreed to pay for special education (about 40% of the bill instead of just under 20%) not only will our children be gaining but our towns in lower educational taxes. Think of all the issues that impact your family from job security to healthcare to education and then mark your ballot.

Remember Barack Obama voted to increase the funding for special education and Head Start (S.Amdt. 2292 to H.R. 3010, Vote 273, 10/26/08; AFT Voting Record for 109th Congress, accessed 7/1/08) and to insure millions of children through the SCHIP program (H.R. 976, Vote 307, 8/2/07; S.Con.Res. 21, Vote 172, 5/17/07) while his opponent John McCain voted against families (S.Amdt. 2254 to H.R. 3010, Vote 272, 10/26/05; S.C.R. 23, Vote 86, 3/25/03; H.R. 2660, Vote 333, 9/9/03; H.R. 1836, Vote 154, 5/22/01).

Special Education Bail-out

The alarm rang (the three kids jumping on me) and I rolled over and opened my laptop to read the news of the day to find our tax dollars are going to bail-out Wallstreet and the investors behind the risky dealings. Some of these investors are hard-working middle class (like me and my family) who have a few mutual funds, but some are not, some are millionaires... I know the financial system was on the verge of collapse. My question to President Bush and the Federal Bank and anyone else who will listen is, so you can bail-out Wallstreet and rebuild Iraq and fight two wars, but funding special education at 40% (you promised, but never delivered) instead of the 15% (you now give the states) is too difficult to do, there is no money... uh?

Some experts say that the Wallstreet bail-out will cost a trillion dollars, yes, a trillion dollars, but tax payers can't seem to absorb the special education bill. Why is it that President Bush continues to use our money to fight wars and bail-out the private financial system, but can't seem to use our money to create programs that will help the "people".

Through out this country school systems are struggling to pay for an increase in special education and President Bush says "Sorry, it is hard times we have no money (for educating our children)", so you middle class can pick-up that bill and as a result "those" kids will continue to receive a less then adequate education.

I propose, President Bush now focus his attention and (our) money on what will directly help families and children in the United States and bail-out special education and while you at it, President Bush, can you throw some taxpayer dollars into the unfunded Combating Autism Act?